Karate, Gloopy Aliens, and Dark Alleys!
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Hello, Gloopy Alien. I wonder if he knows what this here finger of mine is for? Hah.
Speaking of Gloopy Aliens, the founder of modern Karate, Gichin Funakoshi, was about 80 years old, and was out for a walk. The night was dark, Japan was in a bad state of unrest, and he saw a mugger lurking on the street corner. And he knew, in his heart of hearts, that that mugger was going to try to mug him.
Hey, you think a mugger's going to pick on somebody big? Nah, muggers want to do their work with the least amount of risk, you know? Smart guys, these muggers.
To continue with the tale, Gichin keeps walking, and he makes sure he looks feeble and doddering, and as he passes the mugger and the mugger leaps at him, he whirls and grabs the mugger with a grip of steel. Now, you might be wondering just how he gripped the mugger. A nerve center that immobilizes the body totally--a death grip on the carotid artery?
Well, uh, not really. He grabbed him by the, um, apples. The chestnuts, you know..the cajones.
He grabbed him by his children to be, his future, his only source of fun on those long, lonely nights that confound a mugger when he is all alone and can't find anybody who likes him. Now the founder of modern Karate has gripped a mugger solidly by the embarrassment, and what is his next technique? Does he snap a panther punch to the throat and pop the Adam's apple...or at least shove it down the fellow's own throat?
Does he execute a spearhand to the chest and pluck the mugger's heart out and take a bite while the horrified mugger watches in horror? Or does he just squeeze. Slowly, squeeze, and watch the blood drain out of the mugger's face, and the life out of his body, and the joy out of his future?
Slowly squeezes, until the goo runs out from between his old, gnarly fingers. Slowly squeezes, until a sudden popping sound fills the night air. Slowly squeezes, until the mugger is screaming like a little girl and falls to the ground, never to experience the feeling of love again.
Gichin called for the cops. Yep, he stood on that corner and held that man and called for help. And the mugger was totted away to think about his crimes, and the terror of having his manhood held by another man.
An interesting lesson for a mugger, eh? Another interesting lesson would be if you looked up the real meaning of the word testament and where it comes from and all that. Anyway, the point of all this is this don't walk down that dark alley.
Yeah. My students have heard me make this point before, and they know exactly what I mean. When you have a choice of a short trip through a dark alley, or a long walk down a lit street, take the long way.
You can tell you've made it to the top of the martial arts when you can see a dark alley before you reach it. A sunny street in a friendly part of town might be a dark alley if there's some mugger waiting for you. And you should have developed, through those endless hours of practice, the extra perception to know the difference between a dark alley and a well lit street.
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